Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Toddler's Guide to Driving Your Parents Insane

Chapter 1: Introduction

Hi, my name is T, and I just turned 3 on June 10th. I have two older 1/2 brothers, S (6.5yo) and R (almost 5yo) and one younger sister, Baby A ( 1yo). My Daddy stays home and watches me and my sister. He does a pretty good job, and this book is written in part because I did have this time at home with dear ol' dad to hone and perfect my techniques. Enjoy the reading and if I've helped one future toddler out there this was all worth it. (And no my sister doesn't count!)

Chapter 2: The Basics

Before one starts to drive the 'rents insane you must learn these few techinques I've picked up for getting out of trouble or at least lessening the punishment.
1. Cry everytime you're told no, spanked, sent to time out, or hand is slapped, etc. Really play this up as it makes the 'rents feel extremly guilty. Sometimes you can get the added bonus of entertaining them which in return they get so happy the forget why they were mad at you in the first place. WARNING: Do not turn this into a temper tantrum or it will back fire and you'll be in more trouble than when you started. Whinning, etc is also not tolerated well by the 'rents.

2. Play up your natural cuteness. Got those gorgeous blue eyes - work 'em baby. Beautiful curly locks - don't let them cut your hair. Heart melting smile - melt away baby! You get the idea - work with what you got 'cause this cuteness only lasts so long. Trust me on this one....I'm on the downside of cute....once you hit 4 it's all over.

3. The big bottom lip. This one is crucial. The more you stick it out the better results you'll get. Seriously here. I thought I had this mastered, but my sister has taken this to new lengths. I now get in trouble for taking back a toy that she originally took from me when that lip comes out. The 'rents get sooo distracted by that thing they forget who did what to whom so it's automatically assumed I was being the bully.

4. Hugs & Kisses. Really do I need to elaborate. The 'rents live for these. Oh, and toss in an "I love you" and you're golden. Oh, and not only do this to the 'rents, but grandparents, aunts/uncles, cousins, and especially siblings!


Next installment coming soon!

No comments: