First packet of paper work. . . .

. . . . arrived on Friday - from the St of Mo.  So we took Baby A to the park to play and K and I filled it out.  Really I filled it out - K just signed here and there and gave me his SSN when needed.  It's going out in the mail today.  I have a feeling we make to much to get any free services - which is going to suck because we can't afford to pay for his treatment.  Well we can - be we'd have to go into some serious debt.  Which we'll do if we have to, but we're "this close" to being debt free.  By Jan 2012 we would've had K's grandparents paid off, and the 2 remaining 401(k) loans.  I know we can take out a hardship w/drawal from my 401(k) but there's hardly anything in there now.

I just keep telling myself - get him services, then we'll worry about how to pay for them.

It's going to be a looooong journey

T was diagnosed a week ago with PDD-NOS and ADHD.  We saw his regular Ped on Tues and got a prescription for the lowest dose of Metadate (10mg).  We also requested he be tested for Lead, and Doc recommend a thyroid test as well.

We're on day 2 of the meds - not sure if it's made a difference in his behavior since he's been at school all day, but hopefully by the weekend we'll be able to see a difference.  Do have to note that when I was talking to K on my way home last night from work T was in the background and was talking up a storm.  He always talks, but he seemed to talk with more ease - like he didn't have to search a scattered brain for the right word(s).

We're going in early Friday to have his blood test for the Lead and Thyroid.  Also having Baby A tested for Lead as well since she still puts anything and everything in her mouth.  Should be fun morning - getting all the kids to Children's Mercy at 7am when the outpatient lab opens to have blood drawn.  S is having blood drawn to do Tree Nut sensitivity test.

Feel good about the ADHD and such - but still feel overwhelmed with all the info out there on PDD-NOS and autism in general.  I've been totally scattered brained at work since last Thursday so today and tomorrow I have the day off to organize all the info, and basically organize our life.  Hopefully 4 days is enough to get us enough organized so I don't feel too stressed and can re-focus on work when I'm at work.

Am I the only one???

Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but the more I read about PDD-NOS the more I believe I have it.

K and I have been reading the "100 Day Kit" from Autism Speaks. http://www.autismspeaks.org/community/family_services/100_day_kit.php

Within this document there's a page (Page 16 of the .pdf) that states the strengths.  Scarily all but one I have (the artistic ability).  Then there's the "Social Symptoms" (pg 13 of the .pdf) - OMG, that's me again.

I know there's a genetic link, and I wonder if my parents ever noticed?  Maybe because I was blessed with a strong will and independence I was able to compensate for my short-comings?

How many others are out there that are undiagnoised, but are functioning members of society?

Maybe we are the norm, and those that were the norm are now the abnormality?

Our new journey into Autism

Last Thursday T was diagnoised as ADHD and Pervasive Development Disorder - Not Otherwise Specified (aka PDD-NOS).  The ADHD we kinda suspected and we can deal with that - have been dealing with it for the last 5yrs with S.

However, PDD-NOS (a condition on the autism spectrum) was not what we were expecting.
http://www.autismspeaks.org/navigating/pdd_nos.php

Searching the internet doesn't help either - soooo much information it makes one feel overwhelmed and that there's no hope.

However, I have a wonderful husband and father who is researching and calling everyone he can to get T the services he needs.  K was hoping to re-join the work force this Fall, but due to T's diagnoises he's going to wait until next Fall - we assume by then everything should be under control.

I must confess that I cry a little each day - wondering how such a sweet, adorable and loving boy could have this.  Why him?  I'm also mourning the loss of what I dreamed he would be like when he grew-up.  I'm not saying it still isn't possible - but it's a long road filled with obstacles that he may or may not over come.

Two down....one more to go

Today was not only the first day of school, it was the first day of Kindergarten for T.

I was nervous and anxious the whole day when S started Kindergarten, but with T I actually cried. 

All day I've been trying to figure this out, and I've come to the following conclusion:

S has ADHD, and I think I was more worried how he would do in a new school, etc than anything.  With T though - he's so far behind and immature for his age (he's one of the youngest) compared to his peers I just wanted today to be a happy day.

So far so good.  Both boys had a good day.  Only time will tell

He's as Asshole. . .

. . . an inconsiderate moronic asshole.  No, not my sweet attentive husband....my ex-H, aka DSSD (dip-shit sperm donor).

This weekend was his weekend with S.  However, MO was having their tax-free weekend and I wanted to take S back-to-school shopping on Friday night I requested we exchange Saturday morning.  He agreed.

No mind you he lives in Lawrence, KS and we live in Raytown, MO - about 50 miles.  There's no good "meet in the middle" spot so on Friday we usually do the one closer to him (DeSoto), and on Sunday we usually do the one closer to me (Woodland Rd).  Well Saturday he drive 3/4 of the way to meet K with S & R at the Hobby Store.

SO - trying to be fair and nice I text him (the only way he'll communicate with me) 7pm at DeSoto on Sunday?  He agrees.  Well it was pretty hot and the a/c in the car only works so-so, plus construction detour, etc so I texted him Sunday mid-morning asking if we could change it to 7:30pm still at DeSoto.  He agrees.

As I'm leaving the house at 7pm to meet him at 7:30pm I get a text stating "we're here".  I of course respond - well, since we were meeting at 7:30 I'm just leaving the house.  Fine whatever - they can wait on me for once.  Plus there's McD's there so if need be they can get the boy something to eat.

As I'm driving - delayed by the detour (stupid sink hole in the highway) - and almost to DeSoto I get another text telling me they're in the shade at Wendy's.  Wendy's????  WTF - do not tell me they went to Woodland Rd.  Text and ask - and lo and behold yes they are at Woodland Rd.

I don't even respond, take the next exit and turn around.  DSSD then calls wondering when I'll be there.  I polietly mention that since we were meeting at 7:30pm in DeSoto that that is where I was....but I have turned around and headed back to Woodland Rd (which is 6 miles from DeSoto).

So I got to spend an extra 15 minutes driving to get the boy last night 'cause that shit head can't remember WTF is going on.  Once again proof from the Universe that us being divorced is a good thing.

I'm soooo burnt out on work. . . . .

. . . .and my life.  I haven't had more than a day off since the last 2wks in December 2009.  Even then I probably shouldn't have taken those 2 weeks 'cause I worked my ass off all January (50-60/hr weeks).

Even when I do get home at a decent hour there's sooo much to do there that I don't have the mental capacity left after working all day to make a list and get it done.  I shit you not we have over 4wks worth of clean laundry just in piles in the spare bedroom - it's embarassing.

What sucks is my lack of motivation is what is 'causing me now to work longer hours.  I just can't focus on the task at hand.  Even as I mark things off my list of things "to do" - there's still another list forming in my head.  It's a vicious circle and I really wish it would form into a triangle or square or something so I knew there was a end in sight.

Could my lack of motivation be depression?  Don't know and probably won't until the end of August when I can finally take some time off and get myself to the doctor.

Back to work now - and yes work, and not surfing the internet (well at least for a couple of hours).