My week of fun so far (NOT!)

This is my week so far......somedays being a parent sucks, but having cute kids does make it worth it.

Monday: Took Stephen to his 10:30 appointment to be evaulated for psych meds. Apparently none are needed, but now we're off to KU Med to get him appointments to be evaluated for Autism and ADD/ADHD. That night noticed Tyler was warm - gave him ibuprofen, and check his temp in 30 minutes. Hoovering around 100-101 - GREAT!

Tuesday: Tyler woke at 4:30am - still had a nice fever going even with Tylenol and ibuprofen in his system. During the debate on whether to take him to the ER he fell asleep - for only 20 minutes. So, at 7:20am we headed to the doctor's office. Got there - they couldn't see us until after 11am.....off to Prompt Care we go. Got in within 15 minutes. The boy had a double ear infection with a possible sinus infection. Then to the pharmacy. Got his prescription as well as more tylenol and ibuprofen. Headed home. Spent the rest of the day trying to get the little stinker to sleep or to eat or to drink - of course he wouldn't do any of those. He took a total of 1 hour in naps.....but it was broken up through the day in 3 little naps. The boy finally just crashed on the living room floor at 9:30pm. Kept waking about every 45 minutes until around 1:30am when he was out until 6am Wednesday.

Wednesday: Keith (the most wonderful man in the world) got Stephen ready for daycare and took care of Tyler while I passed out on the couch for another 2 hrs. I finally awoke around 8:30am and made it to work by 10am. However, Tyler decided he wanted to add puking to his list of aliments. He did at least get a good 2 hr nap while at daycare - but he was still running a fever and was getting some weird rash all over. So I get to leave work early to take him to the doc. They didn't do a damn thing - so we headed back home again. (Only major bonus was that Chipotle was near by so I got to feed my addiction!!) Thankfully Sperm Donor wanted Stephen early this week so it was just us 3. Which unfortunately was a great relief as I was beginning to feel guilty about ignoring Stephen as Tyler demanded sooo much attention. Actually got Tyler to bed at a decent hour - he only woke once and seemed perfectly fine this morning.

Thursday: Miss Stephen - know I shouldn't, but I still worry about him at his dad's. Anyhoo - actually left the house at 7:20 this morning but realized on the way to work had to get gas. Then there was some stupid slow down on I-35 and then near work 5 lines were down to 2.....so rather than getting to work around 8:15am I made it in a little after 9am. Guess it's a good thing I planned on working until 6pm tonight.

I'll admit - if my week doesn't start getting better I may begin drinking heavily.

My House Husband

Keith quit his job over a week ago. I don't blame him....he never knew until the day before if he had to work and getting days off was almost impossible, and the health insurance cost was outrageous. So I fully supported him quiting and finding another job. This last week he was off was great. My house husband cleaned, did dishes, did laundry (which I had to fold and put away), and even took and picked up the boys from daycare. All the while he was submitting resumes and applications, and going on interviews. He's got a couple of job offers but the pay isn't quiet what he'd like but the hours are set and the job is what he wants.

However, I must confess with quarter-end and month-end coming up at work having a house husband around would've been a great stress relief. Too bad I can't get that $20,000/yr raise so that he could be a SAHD (Stay At Home Dad - for you non-accronym types).

Narcissus is alive and well at our house

Tyler, aka Narcissus, is in love with looking at himself in the mirrors around our little abode. The worst is at dinner time. We have a huge mirror on the wall in the kitchen next to where our kitchen table is located. I've discovered I must situate Tyler parallel to the mirror so that not only can he watch himself but so that he can see me and anyone else (Stephen and/or Raymond) not only in the mirror but in person. I've gotten pretty good a aiming the spoon at a moving target, and luckily Tyler's beginning to feed himself.

I guess I shouldn't complain too much.....the long mirror we had on the boy's bathroom door fell down the other day (luckily while no one was home) and Tyler has spent countless minutes playing in front of it now that we've propped it up against a wall. Yes this isn't really all that safe, but the smiles and giggles from the boy make it extremly hard to put the mirror back.

Figure we don't really need to do anything about this......that is until he starts to practice different looks in the mirror to use on his poor parental units.

LET ME EAT CAKE!!!!

We have before and during pics. He needed no encouragement and at one point was even licking the tray as the cake had been scooted too far away. (Hence the reason mommy is holding the cake in place.)

Keith's new bodyguard

Yesterday was Father's day as you all know. While Stephen was with his dad at the movies I got Raymond and Tyler to take a nap while Keith went out riding his new ATV/4-wheeler. DumbAss didn't drink any water while there, and had 2 or 3 beers when he got home. As you can guess his arms started to cramp. While he's laying on the floor over the a/c vent I start to pick on him. Raymond gets into it when Keith tells him to tell Stephanie to stop. You know what that little stinker did?? He hit me. My 6 foot plus 275lb man needs a little 4ft 35lb 3 year old to protect him!!!!

Oh, and to all of you parents out there - yes we did correct Raymond that he doesn't hit.

No, Stephen girls do not have a penis!!!

Okay - apparently I'm going to have to stop running around naked in front of Stephen. Last night Stephen asked to see my penis. Here's the exchange after his bath last night while we were drying him off and getting him in PJ's.

S: "Mommy when will I get my new boobies"
Me: "New boobies?"
S: "Big boobies"
Me: "Stephen only girls get big boobies because boy's have a penis."
S: "No - everyone has a penis"
Me: "Stephen only boys have a penis"
S: "Mommy can I see your penis"
Me: "Stephen mommy doesn't have a penis because I'm a girl. You are a boy so you have a penis"
S: "Where do you go pee?"
Me: "Girls have a vagina and sit to pee"
S: "Can I see your penis"
Me: "Stephen - GIRLS don't have a penis. Do we need to ask Keith?"
S: "Yes"
(at this point he's now dressed in PJ's and we walk out to the living room to ask Keith if girls have a penis)
Me: "Keith - Stephen has something to ask you. Go ahead Stephen"
S: "Keith - do girls have a penis?"
K: "No Stephen, girls don't have a penis"
Me to S: "Okay"
S: "Okay"

As you can imagine at this point Keith is just looking at me weird so I explain the whole situation. Yup - definitely time to not just run around naked in front of him any more.

At least I've escaped explaining my period to him for another month!!

Mother's of boys

I post semi-regularly on a bullentine board for working moms. One of the gals there is excitedly awaiting her 3rd child.....a boy after two girls. Now she has a step-son, but she wasn't around when he was an infant. This got me to thinking of all the things I've had to say or have heard only because I have a son. Trust me you might hear or say some of these things if you have a daughter....but I doubt it.

1. S "Mommy I tuck a ticker on my penis"
2. Me to S & T "Please stop playing with yourself I need to fasten your diaper"
3. Me to S "Stephen we do not hang things from our penis"
4. Me to S "No you may not touch Tyler's penis....you have your own to play with"
5. S "Mommy I like my penis"
6. Me to S "You only play with your penis at home....not in public"
7. One night while working on giving all 3 a bath: R "My penis, Tywer penis, and Tephen penis"
8. S to my niece Hailey "It's not a bunny Haiwey, it's a penis" (Yes my brother loved my son teaching his daughter the correct word.....seriously it's better than bunny!!)

There are many more.....but these were my favorites.

HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY TYLER

Well, one year ago today I was anxiously trying to remain calm knowing that the next day we'd be headed to the hospital at 5:30am so I could get prepped and ready for your arrival. You weren't completely planned but definitely wanted, and I knew our lives would never be the same once you arrived.

Getting prepped for the c-section was easy - but the longest 2 hour wait of my life. Once I was ready in the operating room they brought in Daddy. Daddy held my hand until you were retrieved from your comfy little womb that had been your home for the last 9mos. You were beautiful.......even if you were completely covered in amnotic fluid and vernex....and you were mine. Once I knew you were okay I made Daddy go with you when they took you for your first bath. At this point they were putting everything back and it was the longest damn 45 minutes ever......I just wanted to get back to my room and snuggle with my new little peanut.

I was sooo nervous in the hospital about how I would get around not only with a nice incision that had to heal, but with dealing with my broken tailbone (arse). Somehow we managed, and by the time we were kicked out the hospital we were well acquainted. Now to introduce you to your new home. Once home it took us a little longer to get settled and into a routine.

Now that you will be a year old tomorrow I truly can't imagine my life without you in it. You've made me realize that I can love you and Stephen with all my heart, and yet love you each so differently. I love watching your personality emerge, your awe and wonder a new or interesting things, your unexpected fear of cats, your belief that Stephen's main purpose in life is to entertain you, your bordem when Stephen's at his dad's, the joy on your face when someone you know and love walks into a room, you're pouty little lip when you're told no, the look on your face when you've finally mastered something new, and especially the way you snuggle with me in the middle of the night.

Happy FIRST Birthday my little Peanut........and yes you'll always be my peanut.

BITE ME!!!

Those not familiar with a "BITE ME" post will soon come to realize that it's a mini-vent about all the stupid stuff that just pisses one off.

1. My ex-husband who can afford to go on a honeymoon, but yet bitches because he has to cough up an extra $100 a month for child support can BITE ME!!
2. Co-workers who go behind my back and give documentation that is now mine to supervisors and screw me because I now don't know where said documentation is located can BITE ME!!!!
3. Not getting a fucking raise for the last 3 years can fucking BITE ME!!!!
4. Having to wait until Jan 2007 to get my bonus for cleaning all this incentive payment shit up at work can BITE ME!!!
5. A boyfriend who thinks he needs his nuts rubbed every night can BITE ME!!!
6. Not getting sex at least 4 times a week can BITE ME!!! (Hey, I'm 34 and in my prime - what do you expect?)
7. The pile of laundry and dishes that need my attention can BITE ME!!!
8. Keith's work hours can BITE ME, and BITE ME some more!!! (I shouldn't bitch too much - I mean he's no longer on nights, but still he doesn't get home until 7:30pm or later most nights.)

I thing that's enough bitchin' for now.......now off to see if I can convince Keith for some good lovin'!!!

Hump Day Humor

I'm a huge Cary Grant fan, and love all of his movies......yes, even the cheesy horrible ones. While surfing at work I found the following website with a bunch of trivia about Cary Grant: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000026/bio Somewhere down the page was this little tid-bit:

One of his favorite poems was a bit of doggerel: "They bought me a box of tin soldiers,/I threw all the Generals away,/I smashed up the Sergents and Majors,/Now I play with my Privates all day."

With my warped sense of humor I find this extremly funny and knew there had to be more than his acting ability I liked about the man.

Things kids say.....

Most of the funny stuff I have from my kids is from Stephen....he's the oldest, around more, and unlike Tyler can talk. Here is what I've heard from Stephen sometime during the last 4 days.

"Mom I look cool don't I!!!" (Yeah, he's 4 going on 16.....great)

"Mommy stop talking so I can goto sleep, I'm tired" (Yes, he really did say this to me just tonight as I was tucking him into bed.)

"Mommy Tyler's trying to bite my bootie!!!!"

"Mom - I'm gettin' to big for my bed." (Yeah right - you sleep in a twin and you're only 4!!)

"Mommy you don't need to get bigger. I need to get bigger." (Thanks alot - however he wants to be "big" soo bad and I've convinced him that vitamins will make him big and strong. This was his way of telling me that I don't need vitamins to grow-up. Yes - this is what I tell myself to make me feel better.)

Aaahh, the woes of child support

Ex-H, better known as AssHole, finally has a steady job after being unemployed for over 2 years. Once he got hired on full-time at his "new" job I called the courts to have his child support modified because he's getting away with robbery only paying $325 a month. (Keith who makes $10,000 less than AssHole pays $410 a month.)

After the courts did what they needed it went up to approx. $450 a month.....still robbery, but it's better than $325. We were to goto court tomorrow to finalize this. However, AssHole wants to contest the amount as they didn't take into consideration his living expenses.

First off AssHole - ain't my fault you were unemployed for over two years and have bills out your ass. Second, live some place cheaper.....you don't need a 3br, 2 bath, 2 car garage house with a basement at $1000/mo. Third, have your whore get a damn job. Fourth and finally, you ain't gettin' more time with your son just so you can lower the amount you pay.

I have no sympathy left for the man - especially when I can't get him to pay the pennies he does for child support on time. He got himself into this money sinkhole now he can get his own damn self out!!!

Seriously - if it was legal to kill stupid people he would've been dead long before we ever got married.

You know it's going to be a good day when . . . .

. . . . it's Friday of a 4 day work week, you come in late, realize your boss is out not only today, but for the next two weeks and said boss has his e-mail set-up so that everyone gets an out of office message and NO WHERE am I mentioned as a person to contact!!!

Kinda puts me in an or-ner-y mood. . . . . so you might want to stay tuned.

The young are not as wise as they think

My ex-husband, Stephen's sperm donor, will be getting married on June 10th. Ex-H is 36 yo, while Leigh Ann is only 23, maybe 24. She has one son who is 3.5yo, never lived on her own even as a single mom, and her son spends 1/2 his time over at her parents house. Oh yeah, almost forgot - she's bi-polar, a hypochondriac, has to be the center of attention, and is pissing me off by forgetting that she's Stephen's STEP-mother, and not his actual mother. My favorite is that just because she WAS pre-med in college and HAS worked a in the medical field for 4 years she thinks she know EVERYTHING about EVERY medical condition known to man.

Now that you have a small understanding of the gal you'll understand when I say the young are not as wise as they think. The latest inccident involved our neighbors, who also happen to watch Stephen and Tyler during the day. Our neighbors had two kids of their own, girl 7 and boy 6. As you can guess the girl loves playing and helping with Tyler, and the boy and Stephen love to spend ALL day outside.

Yeserday afternoon Leigh Ann doesn't drop Stephen off over there until after 9am, and then picks him up around 4:30pm. Around this time I get call telling me that she wasn't sure what to do, but when she went to get Stephen she saw the older boy chasing him with a butter knife and acting like he wanted to stab him. I told her thanks for calling and I'll call Keith to let him know as he's picking up Tyler for me and I'll get back to her later that night. Well that apparently wasn't good enough as she drove back over 30 minutes over and started in on our neighbor.

Later on I discover that NO the boys were not given a knife, they found a knife and were digging for worms with it. When our neighbor saw LeighAnn coming down our alley way she went in side to get Stephen's stuff......and this is when the "knife" inccident occured. Apparently this got ALL blown out of porportions with Leigh Ann saying some pretty hateful things to our neighbor. Some of which included "I can't believe you'd give them a knife" "I had to tell Keith/Stephanie as I was worried what would happen to the baby" "Don't tell me what I did or did not see"......and on and on it went.

Those of us with more than one or even those of us with one who's in daycare know that you can not watch all of them every single second of the day, and eventually something stupid happens. The wise (seasoned mother's) know that kids will be kids, and boys will be boys. You do the best you can and you don't worry about them coming home covered in mud (as you know they've probably had the best time playing - and the kid and the clothes are both washable) but you do worry about the important things: are they sick, how did they get that big bruise on their shin, did they eat lunch, is your child getting along with the other kids at daycare/school, how are they doing in school, etc.

I'm not saying the boys having a knife was nothing to worry about - but when they find stuff under a porch where snakes and other creatures could be I count my blessings that they didn't find a snake. Now the young worry about everything, yet the wise have learned to worry about only what they have control of.......and most of realize that we don't have one iota of control it's just all an illusion to make us feel better.

Nasatol is a serious disease!!!

Nasatol (no ass at all) by definition is a disease where a person has little to no ass.....in other words with out a belt or suspenders their pants would be around their ankles.

Keith suffers from this debilitating disease, and unfortunately so do Raymond and Tyler. (Apparently it's a dominant gene as most of my family has enough ass and hips to go around.)

Anyhoo - trying to find shorts/pants to fit Ray and Tyler is near impossible. Thank heaven someone developed rompers........as that is what Tyler will be living in this summer. I did buy 2 pair of size 9mo shorts for him (he'll be a year old June 10th)......but you guessed it they just slowly fall of his cute little baby butt. Oh, and finding diapers is annoying as well. You know I always wondered why Raymond's mom insisted on buying the name brand diapers....now I know, the generics just don't stay on a kid with Nasatol!! So far Pampers Premium seem to be doing the job......until I run out of coupons and then we may have to try Huggies Supreme. Anything with elastic will work.

Raymond at least is old enough for belts, and occasionally we'll put him in overalls. However, belts are very hard for an almost 3 yo to put on and take off.......especially when trying to goto the potty by oneself. Potty training in itself is hard enough, but when the child is afflected with Nasatol it makes it down right frustrating and near impossible. (As long as he's potty trained by kindergarden right?)

Oh - and then there's carseats and highchairs.....both boys just slide on down. We just switched Tyler to his big boy carseat and after one trip to the grocery store I noticed I had to do something. So, now I have a little rolled up towel to put under his butt....to help inhance his minuscule butt cheeks, and so he doesn't slide out of his seat. And luckily we have a highchair that not only has a lap belt, but shoulder straps as well.

I always thought it was bad trying to find clothes for Stephen and his chunky butt, but I'd take that over this any day. At least with Stephen I knew to buy shorts/pants and tops seperately and not as outfits. With Tyler and Raymond we still do the same thing......but there's the added concern on wether or not our children will be mooning people.

So, if you have an ass - even if it's a large ass - just be glad you have one and can sit without the fear of falling on your ass.